We’re four days from the end of the Come Blog with Me challenge. I’ll have three more posts to write after this one and most of us in the group are starting to feel a sense of loss, along with relief at being so close to the finish line. There’s also a bit of panic: Shit! What will we do!? Will we be able to keep it up? Will we flake out and our blogs become virtual Miss Havishams, littering the internet with cobwebs and great expectations that never came to much of anything?
I hope not, because this challenge has been fantastic for me and came just at the right time.
The main thing I’ve noticed is a huge shift since last year: I’m looking forward, not back. Last year I really felt like I had to purge the past, if you will, to come full circle. Last year I felt a lot of sadness in my writing and now I feel more optimism, light-heartedness and joy.
Last year I hated it when I got sentimental. This year I don’t seem have been sentimental much (so far), but when I have I’ve embraced it as just another part of me.
Yes, sometimes I’m sentimental, sometimes I’m dramatic, sometimes I’m careless… but I still reckon I’m alright.
I’ve also got a lot more comfortable with imperfection: my website’s not finished, my goal’s still a little fuzzy, my About page is just a poem and a photo, my blog categories are all over the place, the colours of my headings, links and highlights are all wrong, and that’s ok. How liberating.
This is manifesting in other areas of my life too, of course, not just the blog.
In fact, just yesterday I handed in a couple of texts to deadline and the client got back to me shortly after because he wanted to change two of my sentences and needed me to OK his English. Not too long ago I would have taken that to mean that my work is shite, that I’m a crap translator and have no business earning a living this way, and so on and so forth ad-headachum-and-drive-myself-nutsum.
Well not anymore. Now I’m able to see it for what it is: a slight tweak, a personal preference. Simple. Yes, your suggestions are fine. Have a nice day.
So I’m also feeling more confident in who I am and much more comfortable with my own imperfection, which no doubt means that all the work I’ve been doing on myself hasn’t been in vain! I’m seeing results!
And I might not have noticed all of these changes if I hadn’t committed to this blog challenge, so thank you, Lotte Lane, for the opportunity.
In four days, it’ll be up to me to keep going. So partly because I’m worried I’ll flake out, and partly because I was sick of feeling too chicken to do so, today I outed my blog on Facebook.
What was I afraid of? Well, I’m not really one to give a great deal of f*** about what people in general think, but I have to be honest, it did scare me to reveal a more personal side my Facebook peeps aren’t used to seeing. People tend to pigeonhole you, don’t they. Then it takes a while for them to adjust and fit new pieces together. Plus you only have to take a short stroll around YouTube to see how vicious people can be on the Web and until now I didn’t quite feel ready for the possibility of getting nasty comments from passersby.
Well, I’m done with that now. Here I am!